Today, I was talking to Mike Kalmbach (@mikekalmbach) on Twitter, and he asked me if I had anything up about my current work in progress – the novel I’ve been writing for some time now. I didn’t.
I have a feeling that I might have posted something, but it would have been months ago, and, as I’ve moved into the second draft of the novel, the story has changed dramatically. Anyway, on the off chance that anyone else cares about my novel in the making, I thought I’d write up a blurb for the story as it stands. Remember, though, I’m a little under halfway through the second draft of a near-100,000 word novel; there is still time for it to change dramatically.
Incidentally, you can find information on Mike’s upcoming novel here. Now, onto the blurb.
Luren didn’t remember the night her parents died.
She didn’t remember being brought home as a child by a dying stranger, who passed on the news of her parent’s demise right before he met his own, but she thought about it all the time.
When Dean Silar, the enigmatic head of Madd University, offers Luren the chance to join a research team heading out to her parent’s last known location, she jumps at a chance of learning something about what happened to her mum and dad.
The team know they will face all manner of dangers, but it is not long before Luren begins to realise that what they are looking for, what her parent’s were looking for, is older and more dangerous than anything humankind has known for thousands of years.
And it’s about to wake up.
So, there you have it. That’s a hastily written blurb for my novel as it stands at the moment, which is probably about 30% complete if I assume I’ll be revising it at least twice more. Feel free to leave any feedback if you so wish, it will be greatly appreciated.
Almost-30 year old Brit, attempting to juggle full time employment, fatherhood and aspirations of becoming a professional writer. Passionate about tech/gaming.
Your editor friend might have been referring to paragraph 2. In that case, “parent’s demise” is talking about how the demise happened to her parents. It’s kind of like ownership, though I have trouble thinking her parents “own” their demise. Come to think of it, it should probably be “parents’ demise” (apostrophe after the ‘s’) because both parents died.
In any case, the problem is gone if you remove paragraph 2.
In paragraph 4, you’re talking about multiple parents looking for something. In that case, it’s a plural subject (parents) followed by a verb (were). That’s why “parents were” is correct.
Note: I’m following US Chicago Manual of Style grammar rules, so if things are different on the other side of the pond, that could be part of the confusion. That said, I’m pretty sure I’m correct on paragraph 4. I don’t think that changes based on American English vs. British English.
Hope this helps!
Gah! I originally wrote “parents,” but then an editor friend told me it should be “parent’s.” I’ll do some research. I did toy with those last two paragraphs quite a bit, and wasn’t entirely happy with them, so I know what you mean.
I’m not sure I could face changing Luren’s name. I’ve been writing this story on and off for nearly two years, now, she’s pretty much a real person to me. She’s proud of her name.
I’m on my way out to work at the moment, but I’ll sit down and have a play with it when I get in tonight.
Not bad. I’d skip the second paragraph–we really know all we need to know about Luren in the first sentence. Maybe combine them into:
Luren didn’t remember the night her parents died, but she thought about it all the time.
Typos in paragraph 4: “team know” -> “team knows”, “parent’s” -> “parents”
Paragraph 4 is also a bit slower/vague. Instead of “all manner of dangers”, can we be told about some specific ones? Perhaps something like:
The team knows they face possible cave-ins, ancient traps, and rats. It’s not long before Luren realizes that what they’re looking for–what her parents were looking for–is older and more dangerous than anything humankind has seen in thousands of years.
Also, maybe it’s just me, but I’d almost prefer seeing “Lauren” to “Luren”.
Hope this helps!